Cable television

It’s 2021 and everyone’s outgrown the need for cable TV…except the NHL

So let me clear things up. As a society, we can send humans to the moon. We can program robots to dance and perform operations. We can design cars that drive and run on electricity. So you’re trying to tell me that I need to have CABLE TV to watch the Columbus Blue Jackets play hockey? Give me a fucking break.

I am a modern woman. By that, I mean that I subscribe to a gross amount of television services as it is. Netflix, Hulu, HBO Max, Disney+, Amazon Prime TV, the standard menu. Now, whether I’m paying for all of this myself or I’m still logged into some of my ex’s accounts because he apparently hasn’t noticed he’s neither here nor there. The crux of the matter is that I can’t watch the Blue Jackets play on ANY of these mediums that I currently subscribe to!! It’s absurd !

I had Hulu Live until about two weeks ago, for which I paid $70 a month so my roommate could watch The Bachelor live every Monday night while I was hiding in my bedroom. The silver lining of this subscription was that I could watch the Blue Jackets whenever they played! NOT ANYMORE! This was canceled in October when Hulu failed to reach a deal with its parent company, Sinclair Broadcast Group. Same thing with YouTube TV. So I obviously ditched my Hulu Live subscription to a regular ad-free version, since I’m not a total Neanderthal. Sorry for your live singles shows, roommate!

I can’t even legally tell you how I watch the Blue Jackets play. The reason I can’t tell you is because I now have to do it in clandestine, less than legal circumstances. But that’s what I had to do! I had to turn to a life of crime just to watch my Blue Jackets play their silly little hockey games. I would literally rather continue being a criminal than go back to cable! I just won’t.

Hulu, Fox Sports, Sinclair Broadcasting, whoever’s involved in this mess, here’s my message to you: get by. I can’t speak for all of your clients, but I speak for myself when I say this pandemic has left me both scruffy and out of budget. I just want to watch my Blue Jackets play without it being a huge headache or a cybercrime. And I just won’t go back to cable. I refuse!!! So sort yourself out. You are losing money! It’s a bad deal. Thanks in advance!

How are you all looking? Sound off in the comments – let’s discuss it.